Parks & Recreation

If you don't watch Parks & Rec you can eat a hobo's dick cheese. These are the funniest lines from the episode, it may ruin this episode but at least there's someteen others that you can enjoy. Plus this episode is funnier than this.

Wait why do we hate the library?
The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history, they're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read, which makes them extremely dangerous.

Of course, that bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now. The worst person in the world is working at the worst place in the world.

I honestly believe she was programmed by someone in the future to come back and destroy all happiness.

On my death bed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my sides so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

Waitaya say mam? Shoeshine? I promise I won't look up your skirt.

Just joining the rat race, chasing the cheese, racing the rats, trying to get the cheese; enough tactical business talk, you look ravishing.

Wow, if i had a park like that when I was growing up I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall slut phase.

RON SWANSON HAS A CLAYMORE MINE ON HIS DESK!!! WHERE CAN I GET ONE?

We are oil and water, or oil and tnt and c4 and a detonator and a butane torch. Northing good will come.

When Tiger Woods feels invincible he wears a red shirt and black pants, Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to, cuz then there's more room for me in the low road.

We didn't talk. We made love.

It was so intense, I didn't know where my flesh stopped and her's began...it's like doing peyote and sneezing slow for 6 hrs. That woman really knows her way around a penis.

We have discussed a trade.

For what?

More sex.

There are women who stress out and do the wrong thing, and then there are women who are cool.

Is punching aloud on the high road?

Because she's jealous, of me, and the things I get to do to your body, and face.

If I'm not down in 5 minutes, it's only because I'm receiving a pleasure so intense/oh my god

You didn't kill Tammy did you?

I'm afraid she can't be killed.